The Way I Feel About the Gap is the Way My Kids aAre Going to do the feel About American Apparel

Dear Blog, 

Its Me,  but  a little more drunk.  Am watching Clueless on Bravo.  This movie came out when I was in Kindergarten, and I remember watching it with my sister.  

The real humor of the film lies between the disparity of youth and adulthood:  16 year olds stumbling over loquacity.  As a person leaving childhood, and entering adulthood I find this film particularly entertaining.

Also it ends at 11 and that is when Whataburger starts serving breakfast, and i love eating whatabreakfast after I have been drinking.

Also, I told my friends I was out of town this weekend because I didn't want to see them.

Also, Drinking alone is cool now.  

Hooray

One day of school left, and then I am finished. I have to take a French placement exam before the end of June. My plan is to read Swann's Way in the original French; this is primarily driven by my desire to say things like, "yeah, I read Swann's Way in the original French."  Anyway, I am about 185 pages through it.  I am mostly pleased because this means I stuck with something. Woo-Hoo for maturity and stuff. 

In slightly less pretentious news, I saw my friend's band play last night.  They were surprisingly entertaining, but I think they tried to dress up as Vampire Weekend, and that was lame.  When they were setting up people kept yelling, "yeah, Ezra!"  

Also happy mudders day.   

Sufficiently Noncommittal

Yeah, you knew from the very beginning I wasn't sticking with the list thing.

10 Coolest Chain-Smokers

If you bothered to read the last post (in which case I pity your lunacy, and respect your fortitude) I have taken to list making (not scrapbooking, but close). It makes things seem clear, logical, and organized. Anyway, I have decided I am going to do a series on the coolest chain-smokers of all time. Without further ado, I present Number 10: Jean-Paul Belmondo.

10 intimations

1.  I possess immense power over women with questionable sexual orientations.
2. Sometimes company parties are fun (recipe: tito's vodka, two bands, one band chugging tito's vodka in their performance corner, me bar-tending, boss's perma-drunk friend chasing traffic).

3. People like you more when you withhold affection.

4. If you go to a Christian school long enough eventually people begin to think cheerleaders actually matter to God.

5.  My friends who own two pairs of Product Red Shoes, listen to Counting Crows, have read Memoirs of a Boy Soldier and , go to Tea in the Park to see KT Tunstell, and want to grow Dreadlocks, have little reason to judge me because I adore Gossip Girl.

6.  I'm more interested in abstinence prevention.

7.  Must start working out so I can get tattoo on forearm.

8.  I think my friend B___ has a midget fetish.

9.  Speaking in Pirate Jargon might increase your chances of getting laid.

10.  I have two weeks left of High School. 

I Feel Like Make You a Pie

my left wrist hurts.  that means a storm is coming.

i wanna graduate.

try to guess my current mood

"People with experience maintain that proceeding from a basic principle is very reasonable; I yield to them and proceed from the basic principle that all people are boring. Or is there anyone who would be boring enough to contradict me in this regard?... Boredom is the root of all evil. This can be traced back to the very beginning of the world. The gods were bored; therefore they created human beings. Adam was bored because he was alone; therefore Eve was created. Since that moment boredom entered the world and grew in quantity in exact proportion to the growth of population. Adam was bored alone; then Adam and Eve were bored together; the Adam and Eve and Cain and Able were bored en famille.  After that, the population of the world increased and the nations were bored en masse.  To amuse themselves, they hit upon the notion of building a tower so high that it would reach the sky.  This notion is just as boring as the tower was high and is a terrible demonstration of how boredom had gained the upper hand.

-S(complicated O)ren Kierkegaard

Speaking of Kierkegaard I found this:

The girl who does these has twenty right now, and I believe she is doing twenty more. You can see the rest here

This is one of my favorites:

that does not inspire within me a sense of obligation

Fruck

Last night I got an email from University of Iowa asking if I was still interested in the writing community. Apparently I missed the deadline for submitting some sort of written work to prove that I can write. I had no idea I was supposed to submit proof of writing ability, so I had no idea that I had missed the deadline. Anyway, I have until wednesday now. They said it could be fiction, or an essay, or something like that.

Right now I am home from school, oscillating between procrastination and pulling short stories out my ass. I'm working on this overly sentimental, tripe filled story that takes place in New York and involves ex-lovers meeting after 27 months only they weren't lovers because he was married to her sister before she got hit by a truck, but they had an affair while the sister was living, and now they are sad people. Also, he has a prosthetic leg, and an eye patch, and he thinks he is an alien, but he isn't an alien, he just thinks he is one. she could be pregnant, but really she just stopped eating because she read the way of the pilgrim, and the internal rhythm of her heart is all screwed up because she keeps reciting that prayer and he wont get out of the bathtub even though he knows he should, and he keeps pretending to be his brother Seymour, and slowly everything becomes a J.D. Salinger story.



watch it.

caucus party

The best part of this map is that not only is the punch-line true, but each city is perfectly matched to its deadly sin. i am avaricious.

substiprostitution

my english teacher might be dead, but in better news we have the best substitute ever. some would argue that she is the worst substitute ever, but why can't she be the best and worst? that happens sometimes. anyway she is the latin teacher, and she graduated from SMU about a year ago with a degree in medieval studies.

she isn't an ugly woman, but she isn't pretty. she looks the quintessential high school nerd, and i think standing before us she was conflicted: she knows she shouldn't be subject to the opinions of a bunch o' stupid white kids, but she can't help it. the result was an overly domineering tone of voice without any ability to intimidate. all the guys in the class myself included kept trying to put the moves on our substitute. she mentioned that it is illegal for us to date her, and we decided we could get a hover craft, but she told us that wouldn't reach neutral air space.

she also kept quoting Rage Against the Machine.

Still Not Looking For an Excuse

I found semi-nude photographs of quasi-god Paul Banks. Yes, my parents are concerned, but rightly so. I'm sure he knows where to get the good cocaine.



anyone else tired of irony? i am tired of irony.

Political Retrograde Retrospective Spectacular!

In honor of the upcoming election, and dallacious caucus I feel the need to present the world with the (best) worst political ads of all time!

1. The Scariest Fucking Political Ad of All Time


2. Bush's Clincher (avoid sexual overtones)


3. Most Desperate Political Ad of All Time (You're still my gal Hill)